Understanding the True Essence of Self-Love

What is self-love, really?

I remember when I was a teenager, my father once told me, “You have to love yourself.”At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant at all. In fact, I thought it sounded a little crazy. How could you love yourself? Wasn’t love something that came from other people?

Looking back now, I can see just how risky it is to enter adolescence without a foundation of self-love. When we don’t love ourselves, we become easy targets — for people with bad intentions, manipulators, narcissists. We end up settling for far less than we deserve, simply because we’re desperate for validation and afraid of rejection.

It took me nearly 15 years to slowly start uncovering what self-love really means. Now, almost three decades later, I can finally say I understand its roots.

Self-love begins with how we treat our bodies.Do we accept and care for them, or do we constantly criticise and mistreat them? Do we nourish them with healthy habits, or harm them in ways that chip away at our wellbeing? Research shows that people who practice self-compassion — including treating their bodies with kindness — have lower levels of stress and depression (Neff, 2003). Loving yourself means looking after your physical health, knowing your body is the vessel that carries you through life.

Self-love also means knowing what truly matters to you.It’s spending time alone so you can connect with your own feelings, needs, and dreams — without distractions. It’s getting clear on what makes you genuinely happy, then taking responsibility for creating that happiness, instead of waiting for someone else to deliver it or relying on material things to fill the void.

Perhaps most importantly, self-love is about boundaries.Learning to say no and choosing yourself can be one of life’s hardest lessons, especially for women. Many of us are raised to please, to look pretty, to stay quiet, to take care of everyone else first. It’s even in our biology to nurture — but without healthy limits, this beautiful instinct can turn against us. We start living only for others, forgetting that we’re individuals with our own needs, hopes, and talents.

Self-love means protecting your energy.It’s learning to say no to people who drain you, who always take but rarely give. It’s reconnecting with your values, because your values are your inner compass. They help you navigate choices and stay true to yourself.

It’s also about growing and sharing your gifts.Self-love isn’t selfish — it’s how we develop our strengths so we can light up our own lives and help others grow too. It means expanding who we are so our light reaches everyone around us.

Self-love is choosing not to let people who’ve hurt you keep taking up space in your life.It’s choosing peace over chaos. It’s becoming truly comfortable in your own company, being in a relationship because you want to share your life — not because you’re scared to be alone. It’s respecting your time, investing in learning, and evolving into the best version of yourself.

And something beautiful happens when we finally love ourselves: we discover the power of solitude.We crave quiet moments to be fully present with ourselves. Solitude becomes a kind of superpower — a way to recharge, keep growing, and continue evolving. We’re no longer afraid to stand on our own.

When we reach this place, we naturally start wanting only the kind of people in our lives who say no to drama, who are committed to growth, and who turn their attention to others not to judge, but to help.

Self-love is...It’s giving yourself what you truly need.It’s taking responsibility for your own life and joy.It’s looking after your body and physical health.It’s spending time alone to understand your own heart.It’s setting boundaries, honouring your values, growing your gifts.It’s protecting your peace, and loving your own company.It’s living in such a way that your light makes life brighter — not just for you, but for everyone around you.